I almost think it's easier to be out of the country than three hours away in the same state.
This trip is short comparatively speaking. And yet being so close that I could drive home at any point and kiss my boys goodnight is awful. I have loved seeing friends that I don't get to see very often and making sure my knowledge on the stuff I'm working with is up to par but it never fails that at random times during the day I catch myself longing for my husband and my son. I love that we have Skype and we do that everyday. And seeing my son's face light up when he sees and hears me on the computer is amazing. But there is just nothing that can compare with holding him, smelling him (I promise that's not a weird thing), and snuggling him. Four nights. It's only four nights total. And yet it seems like forever!
The part that is a bit daunting for me right now is thinking about my fall travel schedule. Once July hits it seems I will be traveling internationally at least once per month through December. Just the thought of this is overwhelming to me! By that time Jack will be old enough to figure out that his mommy is gone and I will miss over a month of his life...AGAIN (not all at the same time, but still)! By the time my kid is two years old, I will have missed over two months of his life...that's 1/6th!! This may seem like no big deal to some of you but to me it's drastic. Just makes me ponder on the ever wondering question "am I doing the right thing?"
I know that these trips and the skymiles I acquire with them are helping us build toward our tickets to Uganda so I'm trying to look at this in the most positive way possible. But it doesn't help right now when I'm going to sleep away from my family one more night...and I'm pretty sure it won't help in the coming months when I miss an entire month of them this year.
This trip is short comparatively speaking. And yet being so close that I could drive home at any point and kiss my boys goodnight is awful. I have loved seeing friends that I don't get to see very often and making sure my knowledge on the stuff I'm working with is up to par but it never fails that at random times during the day I catch myself longing for my husband and my son. I love that we have Skype and we do that everyday. And seeing my son's face light up when he sees and hears me on the computer is amazing. But there is just nothing that can compare with holding him, smelling him (I promise that's not a weird thing), and snuggling him. Four nights. It's only four nights total. And yet it seems like forever!
The part that is a bit daunting for me right now is thinking about my fall travel schedule. Once July hits it seems I will be traveling internationally at least once per month through December. Just the thought of this is overwhelming to me! By that time Jack will be old enough to figure out that his mommy is gone and I will miss over a month of his life...AGAIN (not all at the same time, but still)! By the time my kid is two years old, I will have missed over two months of his life...that's 1/6th!! This may seem like no big deal to some of you but to me it's drastic. Just makes me ponder on the ever wondering question "am I doing the right thing?"
I know that these trips and the skymiles I acquire with them are helping us build toward our tickets to Uganda so I'm trying to look at this in the most positive way possible. But it doesn't help right now when I'm going to sleep away from my family one more night...and I'm pretty sure it won't help in the coming months when I miss an entire month of them this year.
No comments:
Post a Comment