Thursday, December 16, 2010

what happened?

no seriously, where did the time go? last thing i knew i was a few weeks pregnant and now, here we are, 21 weeks pregnant! we now know that it's a boy, Jack Windsor Morgan, that he is tracking as quite a big baby boy, and that being 5 months pregnant leaves you quite the big belly (well, me at least). i can't get over the whole belly thing. it's like up to week 16 i just felt like a chunky monkey but didn't look pregnant (just fat). next thing i know, i'm 18 weeks preggers and have this belly that just showed up over night! now my back bows in from the weight of it and my maternity clothes are...shall we say...snug? how do i still have 4 months to go and i already feel like this? i'm gonna be HUGE!!!

anyway, enough about me, let's talk about Jack!! it was absolutely mind boggling to see him on the ultrasound. if i weren't completely overwhelmed as i laid there and stared at it, i would have been balling. seeing that little guy (who didn't look so little) and all facets of him...his head, his big belly, his long arms and legs, and his...well, you know :) i was instantly in love!! how could this little thing be inside me, growing and developing, and becoming our own! and then, when we left, we immediately began calling him Jack. i couldn't help but think about God, my father. i think about how he has called me by name. and that He has known me since he wove me together in my own mother's womb. He knows my baby Jack because Jack is on loan to us from Him! and he has already called baby Jack by name...even before we did! how amazing is our God?

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

ahh, the first trimester

how can you not love it? any symptom that may make you miserable, that's probably part of the first trimester symptom of pregnancy.

justin hears two things out of my mouth ALL the time: i'm hungry and/or i'm tired.

i am nauseous all the time. yep. all the time. the only thing that makes my nausea go away? eating. thus, i'm hungry all the time. and what i can and can't eat and what sounds good versus what tastes good is the wackiest thing in the world. one day i crave guacamole and want nothing but it (and make justin drive to plaza azteca to get it fresh) and the next day if i even see or smell it it makes me want to throw up. awesome (sense the sarcasm). most days i'm trying to eat healthy but unfortunately, healthy doesn't necessarily equal edible in my current state. maybe the second trimester will be better.

not only am i nauseous all the time, i also can't sleep. sweet. this state of life is awesome (again, sense the tone). everything i've read talks about how tired you are the first trimester and how you are going to sleep all the time. i must be reading the wrong books/articles/webpages and talking to the wrong people cause i can't sleep at all. i want to sleep, don't get me wrong. i am truly tired ALL the time. but it's like when i lay down on the couch or the chaise or in bed something in me clicks that says "wake up!" or "you're uncomfortable" or "you're hungry" or many of the other bizillion messages that run through my head any given day.

needless to say, eating and sleeping suck right now. and that's about all there is to say about this trimester so far.

the background

or as i call it, the temporary lack in judgment. now, justin gets a little upset with me when i use that term about our unborn child and of course i don't think a baby is poor judgment however in the instance of seeing that plus sign, i call it a temporary lack of judgment.

so here's how it went down. i get home from being gone for a week in japan (this should have been our first clue we were not thinking rationally). and off the cuff i say, "let's have a baby." justin's response was not what i anticipated because he instantly said "ok". to my surprise we decided to sit down and have a discussion about it and at the end of the discussion we decided we would try for two months and then stop trying until late winter/early spring. our concern was that of i think many couples...how long will it take us to conceive. for us we had a few major concerns. first off, we are both over thirty. and we are told time and time again how fertility goes down with age and especially over 35. with us knocking on 35's door, we thought we had reason for concern. then, we'd heard all the issues with coming off birth control pills and how it can take many months for your body to readjust after that. finally, i have hypothyroidism and most reports show that if your thyroid isn't regulated, it is very difficult to get pregnant. needless to say, i already had an appointment scheduled with an endocrinologist and my primary care doctor to try and get my thyroid issues under control because i knew mine was out of whack (that's a whole other post that i will spare you from the gory details).

needless to say, all our concerns were truly of no concern. little did we know that about two weeks later we conceived! of course we didn't know it at the time. no, in fact i was convinced i wasn't preggers and because i was convinced, i did things pregnant ladies should not be doing! for instance, busch gardens (including many massive roller coasters), a drink at my birthday party, rides at the state fair, etc., etc. it wasn't until i was two weeks late that i really had any indication that maybe, i could be preggers.

so why do i call it a temp lapse in judgment? well, while in mid-june we had decided to try for two months, about two weeks later we decided that as soon as my cycle started again i would go back on the pill. we thought, maybe now is not the right time. apparently, God had different plans for us. we have no explanation with the odds stacked against us and our first chance since we decided to try there can only be one reason! God! so, here we are. and our little miracle is on its way!!

Monday, August 23, 2010

not the background...but an announcement

usually when i'm starting a blog i'll start with the background info. you know, why is my title of this blog "a whirlwind life"? why do i think my life is full of whirl or wind so much more than anyone else's? but not this time. no, this time, it's because i have something else to talk about...well, at least to start. i'm sure i'll go back and hit the background. but this news is so big i have to start here. the only piece of background i'll give you is that i'm a newlywed, my husband and i have been married for a few months, dating and marriage time have been less than a year, and we just found out we're pregnant. WHAT?

that's right. i'm pregnant. i have so many mixed feelings it's not even funny. you see, i travel a good deal for business. and in july, i was in japan for work for a week. it was a truly horrific trip and my body was messed up for a good long while. i must have had a lapse of judgment in this time too because when i got home, i thought it was a good idea for me to talk to justin about having a baby. he's such a little kid himself that he was excited about even the prospect of us trying to get pregnant. so we decided that we would go off the pill for two months and then if it didn't happen we'd go back on. there were a few things stacked against us in this time. first, i had been on the pill long enough that i've heard it takes a while to have a normal cycle. second, i have hypothyroidism and my synthroid was not regulated. third, like i said before, my body clock was all kinds of off from my travel. and fourth, we are no spring chickens! i mean, i turned 33 on aug 9th and justin will be 34 on nov 21st. given all the strikes against us, we were pretty sure it was not going to happen in our time frame.

not only did we not think it could happen, but after about two weeks of talking and doing something about it, we decided maybe it wasn't quite the right time to start trying. thus we decided that as soon as my cycle started again, i would go back on the pill. and so we waited. and waited. and there were things going on that made me just "know" that i wasn't pregnant. i went to busch gardens, i rode fair rides at the illinois state fair. and as the time when i should have started came and went, i got concerned. still not convinced, when we arrived home from our vacation to illinois, i made justin stop at the store and get a few tests.

we arrived home at about midnight and i couldn't wait til morning (when they say the test is the most accurate). justin's cousin was staying with us at the time so i sneaked into the bathroom, took the test, and about flipped out. it was positive! i went into the office where justin was on the computer, shut the door behind me, and shared the news. he was ecstatic. i was not. it wasn't that i wasn't happy, it's just i was all ready to have a few more months of us time. i had just found out that we were going to get to go to italy again next year with my company and st martin next summer with justin's parents. needless to say, i was overwhelmed with feelings.

so that was just two days ago. since then i've taken the other two tests in the box and they've had the same result. based on my calculations, i am about 6 weeks pregnant and will be due mid to late april. and again, i'm just overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all. i will have to take a semester off school. justin will have to work more in the fall and spring. i have to find a doctor i like who will be at a birthing center i agree with. our budget is going to have to change and we're going to have to start saving for college! i wish justin could be finished with school so we didn't have to figure out how to deal with things in the fall when he goes back to school. and then i feel guilty for not just being elated.

i guess the feelings just flow (and that is probably partially due to the hormones). i hope i can get them under control (or at least learn how to deal with them).