Monday, August 23, 2010

not the background...but an announcement

usually when i'm starting a blog i'll start with the background info. you know, why is my title of this blog "a whirlwind life"? why do i think my life is full of whirl or wind so much more than anyone else's? but not this time. no, this time, it's because i have something else to talk about...well, at least to start. i'm sure i'll go back and hit the background. but this news is so big i have to start here. the only piece of background i'll give you is that i'm a newlywed, my husband and i have been married for a few months, dating and marriage time have been less than a year, and we just found out we're pregnant. WHAT?

that's right. i'm pregnant. i have so many mixed feelings it's not even funny. you see, i travel a good deal for business. and in july, i was in japan for work for a week. it was a truly horrific trip and my body was messed up for a good long while. i must have had a lapse of judgment in this time too because when i got home, i thought it was a good idea for me to talk to justin about having a baby. he's such a little kid himself that he was excited about even the prospect of us trying to get pregnant. so we decided that we would go off the pill for two months and then if it didn't happen we'd go back on. there were a few things stacked against us in this time. first, i had been on the pill long enough that i've heard it takes a while to have a normal cycle. second, i have hypothyroidism and my synthroid was not regulated. third, like i said before, my body clock was all kinds of off from my travel. and fourth, we are no spring chickens! i mean, i turned 33 on aug 9th and justin will be 34 on nov 21st. given all the strikes against us, we were pretty sure it was not going to happen in our time frame.

not only did we not think it could happen, but after about two weeks of talking and doing something about it, we decided maybe it wasn't quite the right time to start trying. thus we decided that as soon as my cycle started again, i would go back on the pill. and so we waited. and waited. and there were things going on that made me just "know" that i wasn't pregnant. i went to busch gardens, i rode fair rides at the illinois state fair. and as the time when i should have started came and went, i got concerned. still not convinced, when we arrived home from our vacation to illinois, i made justin stop at the store and get a few tests.

we arrived home at about midnight and i couldn't wait til morning (when they say the test is the most accurate). justin's cousin was staying with us at the time so i sneaked into the bathroom, took the test, and about flipped out. it was positive! i went into the office where justin was on the computer, shut the door behind me, and shared the news. he was ecstatic. i was not. it wasn't that i wasn't happy, it's just i was all ready to have a few more months of us time. i had just found out that we were going to get to go to italy again next year with my company and st martin next summer with justin's parents. needless to say, i was overwhelmed with feelings.

so that was just two days ago. since then i've taken the other two tests in the box and they've had the same result. based on my calculations, i am about 6 weeks pregnant and will be due mid to late april. and again, i'm just overwhelmed with the responsibility of it all. i will have to take a semester off school. justin will have to work more in the fall and spring. i have to find a doctor i like who will be at a birthing center i agree with. our budget is going to have to change and we're going to have to start saving for college! i wish justin could be finished with school so we didn't have to figure out how to deal with things in the fall when he goes back to school. and then i feel guilty for not just being elated.

i guess the feelings just flow (and that is probably partially due to the hormones). i hope i can get them under control (or at least learn how to deal with them).