I've been trying to get a post in for a while but my heart has been heavy with a lot of things going on. I can't imagine what Paul must have gone through when carrying the burden of the early churches at Corinth, Phillipi, Thessaloniki, Ephesus, Galatia, etc. And he was far away and probably felt even more helpless than we do at times. We are just praying (and asking for your prayers) over people and situations that everyone from elders and staff through every person in the congregation would take heed to Micah 6:8: He has told you, o man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. We serve a just God and he will have his justice but we are not here to act on his behalf. Acting justly is on us, how we treat others, not carrying out His wrath. You cannot simultaneously attempt to carry out God's wrath and love mercy at the same time (or walk humbly either).
We are still humans with feelings of pain and hurt and will do stupid things from time to time. But if we are selfless, act in love, and think before we speak, we have a much greater attempt to come out unscathed and hurt way less people in the process.
Ok, that aside...as we walk through the holidays there are so many things happening around us. SO MANY of our friends have recently gotten engaged (I think we will attend 5 weddings between March and July). I am ecstatic about this but I just keep thinking of more wedding pictures where our family will be incomplete. A lot of our friends are either getting pregnant or attempting to get pregnant. I think it will be very difficult for me to watch someone get pregnant and have a baby in less time than when I get to bring my baby boy home. Again, I'm super excited for these friends, it just pulls at my heart to think my baby is alive but not with us yet. No, I do not technically know that he is alive yet, but we believe very strongly that as we have prayed for him that he is already here in this world.
The most difficult thing at the holidays is that in my core I hope and pray that by the next holiday season we will have both our boys with us but there are no guarantees. And the thought of us still waiting at that point is very difficult for me to accept as a possibility. It creates factions in my heart to want to just give up. Of course we wouldn't because we are fighting for our child here (well, not fighting but sometimes it feels that way). And we know this is right where we're supposed to be and, as always have to trust His sovereign timing.
We are still humans with feelings of pain and hurt and will do stupid things from time to time. But if we are selfless, act in love, and think before we speak, we have a much greater attempt to come out unscathed and hurt way less people in the process.
Ok, that aside...as we walk through the holidays there are so many things happening around us. SO MANY of our friends have recently gotten engaged (I think we will attend 5 weddings between March and July). I am ecstatic about this but I just keep thinking of more wedding pictures where our family will be incomplete. A lot of our friends are either getting pregnant or attempting to get pregnant. I think it will be very difficult for me to watch someone get pregnant and have a baby in less time than when I get to bring my baby boy home. Again, I'm super excited for these friends, it just pulls at my heart to think my baby is alive but not with us yet. No, I do not technically know that he is alive yet, but we believe very strongly that as we have prayed for him that he is already here in this world.
The most difficult thing at the holidays is that in my core I hope and pray that by the next holiday season we will have both our boys with us but there are no guarantees. And the thought of us still waiting at that point is very difficult for me to accept as a possibility. It creates factions in my heart to want to just give up. Of course we wouldn't because we are fighting for our child here (well, not fighting but sometimes it feels that way). And we know this is right where we're supposed to be and, as always have to trust His sovereign timing.
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