What does that title even mean? I almost titled it "The 'n' word" but thought better of it but that's what this post is really about. Not just the word, but the subject. It's something that has been on my mind/heart lately. Not sure if you guys watch Parenthood but I so very much appreciated and was impressed that they dealt with this this past week. But what I'm looking for is truly more feedback and input from you guys!
If it's not clear at this point, we are adopting a little boy from Uganda. He will be less than two when we comes to live in our home (I hesitate to say when he becomes our son because in our minds he already is that). So if you don't know us, our family with be made up of two white adults, a toddler ginger, and a baby/toddler African. And while we have thought about, discussed, and even begun to put some things in place to ensure that our little Jack and James will see people of different colors and backgrounds around in them as friends, and in different jobs, roles, and experiences, there will be things that James will go through that we (and Jack) will never be able to understand.
The premise of the part of Parenthood I referred to earlier is that Jabar (a child of mixed race) hears a rapper say the slang form of the "n" word. His father (who is white) attempts to handle it but does so very poorly, purely due to his lack of understanding. The father informs the mother (who is black) and she decides to sit down and have a conversation. It was great how she handled it and it taught me that we are not prepared to have that discussion. But it is a very real conversation that will need to happen and one that we will need some help with. We can bring our baby home and he will be our son through and through but the best thing we can do as his parents is to make sure he has the resources he needs to grow and understand the life before him. I'm sure he will be discriminated against. I'm sure he will be made fun of for having white parents among other reasons. I'm sure there will be hardships that he faces that we, as white middle class people, never had to. And it breaks my heart that I will not be able to protect him from all those things. But the best thing we can do is, when the time is right, to be open and honest and give him what he needs...and to understand that that may not come from us.
So this is just me trying to be open about our future child and do our best to give him the life he deserves. If you have any suggestions or recommendations about how to broach this topic, what should be said in this conversation, or anything in this arena, please feel free to leave a comment or message me and let us know. And thanks for loving our family!!
If it's not clear at this point, we are adopting a little boy from Uganda. He will be less than two when we comes to live in our home (I hesitate to say when he becomes our son because in our minds he already is that). So if you don't know us, our family with be made up of two white adults, a toddler ginger, and a baby/toddler African. And while we have thought about, discussed, and even begun to put some things in place to ensure that our little Jack and James will see people of different colors and backgrounds around in them as friends, and in different jobs, roles, and experiences, there will be things that James will go through that we (and Jack) will never be able to understand.
The premise of the part of Parenthood I referred to earlier is that Jabar (a child of mixed race) hears a rapper say the slang form of the "n" word. His father (who is white) attempts to handle it but does so very poorly, purely due to his lack of understanding. The father informs the mother (who is black) and she decides to sit down and have a conversation. It was great how she handled it and it taught me that we are not prepared to have that discussion. But it is a very real conversation that will need to happen and one that we will need some help with. We can bring our baby home and he will be our son through and through but the best thing we can do as his parents is to make sure he has the resources he needs to grow and understand the life before him. I'm sure he will be discriminated against. I'm sure he will be made fun of for having white parents among other reasons. I'm sure there will be hardships that he faces that we, as white middle class people, never had to. And it breaks my heart that I will not be able to protect him from all those things. But the best thing we can do is, when the time is right, to be open and honest and give him what he needs...and to understand that that may not come from us.
So this is just me trying to be open about our future child and do our best to give him the life he deserves. If you have any suggestions or recommendations about how to broach this topic, what should be said in this conversation, or anything in this arena, please feel free to leave a comment or message me and let us know. And thanks for loving our family!!
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