The bitter with the sweet

When "the list" comes out every month I usually try to forget it's the first week of the month and ignore my email.  Most of what I get in my gmail is junk or advertisements so it's not difficult for me to do.  But for some reason, this week was different.  Maybe because I have the expectation that we'll meet our little boy this year.  Maybe it's because I see how much Jack changes every day and it makes me that much more ready to have our little one with us so we don't miss a moment.  Whatever the reason, I waited anxiously this week.

In fact, I watched my phone almost hourly during working hours to see if anything had "popped" in.  I thought at about noon today that maybe it wasn't coming until next week since it was already late on Friday.  My heart sank every time something else hit the new mail list and it wasn't from our agency.  But finally, as promised, we got the email.

And it is something to rejoice about.  It is!  But we have to take the sweet with a little bitter.  The sweetness is that we have moved up to #16 on the list!  That is very exciting!  And the truth is, as I have stated before, we could be called at any time with a referral.  But the reality is, that is not likely to happen.  That's where the bitter comes in.  Not only were there no referrals in the last month, but the timeline (which was 6-8 months when we started this journey) is now 15-18 months for a referral.  We started on the waiting list last April which means it could be October before we get a referral!  And that's assuming the timeline doesn't get extended anymore.  And then getting a court date takes another few months.  So while I started the year thinking we would have our little one here by Christmas, that may not be the case.  Despite my frustration, I think what is really weighing on my heart is that the only thing that's holding up this process is bureaucracy.  It's not that the number of kids that need family has diminished, no, it's just one more step in the process added which means the number of children waiting is, if anything, increasing.

I know I've said a million times that I am glad they go through the steps they do to ensure all these children cannot find homes in the country or with family members.  And I am happy for that because it is the ultimate goal.  But that doesn't make the wait any easier.

So we take the bitter with the sweet, remember that we're #16, and pray for patience and stamina in the waiting.  God's timing is perfect!