Get your passports ready!

I cannot even begin to tell you how long I have waited to write this blog post.  The last 8 months have been a true test of our trust in our marriage, in our family, and in our God.  This is quite an in-depth story but I promise to keep it as short as possible.  But here it is, the BLUF...the Morgans are moving to London!  Yes, you read that correctly, we are heading across the pond for a few years!

It all began last summer when we knew something was changing.  Our contentment with where we were was wavering and we prayed frivolously for what that meant or looked like.  Justin spent time in Uganda in August (2014) and when he came home, we started to feel a call elsewhere, Uganda being one possibility.  Soon after, I caught wind of a job opportunity for me in London.  All the while, Justin had been feeling a tug on his heart to go get his PhD.  All these things, all these different directions, where in the world were we going to go?  So we did the only thing we could do...we started praying and pushing on doors.  We knew that some doors would ultimately close and others would be opened and we decided we would just walk through whatever opened for us.

In September, we began talking to some friends in Uganda about a possible move there, Justin began applying for PhD programs, and I waited patiently (not really) for the London job to open up for me to apply.  In the meantime, we both continued in our jobs.  At that time, I was certain that Uganda was the right place for our family.  I traveled as usual for work, found out we were going to have a baby, and the boys continued in school.  Come January, I had the opportunity to go back to Uganda for a visit and to see more of what it would look like for us to be there.  It was such an amazing trip and yet there was something in me that wasn't certain our family was ready for that at this point in time.  We had had some set backs with our little man and I was very fearful of what taking him back to Uganda indefinitely would do to his little self.  A short time after I came home, we still didn't feel clear on Uganda, the job req still wasn't open, and Justin had heard from zero schools, one way or the other.  And I was pretty done (not to mention 20 weeks pregnant).  So we decided to fast.

It was a crazy, difficult, amazing week but by the end of it, we definitely had some clarity.  In that time we heard back from schools Justin had applied to, I got an interview for the job, and we felt a peace about Uganda.  By Friday we knew that London was our first choice and UW Madison was our second choice (Justin had received his acceptance letter earlier in the week).  They were both amazing choices and we were happy with both options but the rest was up to me getting the job in London.

There are so many more details in the weeds of this story and if you want to have coffee or a Skype date sometime, I'd love to share them!!  Suffice to say, I have received a job offer for the job in London and our family will be moving in August to live in the UK for the next 3-5 years!!

It is scary and exciting and the timing seems nutso!  This summer we will have a baby, sell our house, move to the UK, start a new job, so.many.new.things!!  We are not naive that we have a tough transition ahead of us but we're so excited for the adventure and the opportunity for our family!  Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we move into this new phase and stay tuned for the craziness that is moving your family of five across the world! 

Thank you, Jesus, for blue

Every morning I take my (almost) 2 year old to his grandfather's ("Ho-Ho") house where he goes for childcare (have I expressed how blessed we are to get to do this?). We have about a 15 minute drive and during this time we usually sing songs and talk to Jesus.  Of course, my son is very young but one of our desires is to show him that God isn't this far away being that has nothing to do with us but that we can have a personal relationship with him and that he loves us very much.  With us, having a relationship means talking like normal people do to each other.

This morning as we're driving to Ho-ho's, I said "do you want to talk to Jesus?" to which he replied "yeah" (don't be impressed, he'd tell you he likes to eat elephant poop if you frame it correctly).  So we start talking with a "Hey God, hope you are well today."  I then went through a few things I was thankful for, prayed for our friend with leukemia, and asked him what he was thankful for, to which he emphatically replied "BLUE!"  I laughed out loud.  But then I stopped and thought about his answer.  My son, my amazing little boy, is thankful for the color blue.  So many times I am overwhelmed with things going on with life...especially right now.  Work is crazy, our adoption feels like it's stagnant, I'm getting ready to travel, going out of town this weekend for a wedding, life is just happening.

And yet, in the midst of it all, my son reminded me of why Jesus loved the little children so much.  Why he chose to be around them any chance he got.  He knew that those little children had a perspective on life that we adults forget quite often.  What if we didn't have the color blue?  What if we didn't have any colors at all?  What would my world look like without it?  My son's beautiful eyes, the sky on a sunny day, my favorite color in the world...everything would be different.  So thank you, Jack, for reminding me that no matter what's going on and how crazy things may seem, I can always find something to be thankful for.  Today, it's the color blue.

Travel and Treasures

The last time I wrote I was really in a blah place, not to mention I was getting ready to travel overseas (again) for work.  Finally I am back and hope to be a better blogger now that my heavy travel season has subsided.  Sorry about that!

So many good things come out of the trials though.  While I did have to go to Japan for work, my aunt went with me to do some traveling herself (although I posit that it was solely to keep me company).  Either way, it was a huge blessing to not be there alone.  She got to do some exploring when I was at work, we did some exploring together after work and on my last afternoon which I had off, and we got to experience dinner together every night.

Now if you haven't been to Japan, there's one thing about the restaurants there...they almost always have a sampling of their food made out of plastic under glass outside to entice you in.  And boy is it enticing (sense the tone).  I don't mind Japanese food...it's not really what we call hibachi typically, but it's not bad.  And of course, the sushi is good.  But I get very tired of it, very quickly.  There are only so many times I can eat a pork cutlet and not be bored.  Regardless, it was a fun trip.

And besides all the fun of eating in a foreign land, I know that there was a message I needed to learn on this trip.  So many times I have these feelings of urgency to get home to my  little boy.  I feel like I should be home with him all the time and often feel guilty for having a full time job.  I long for the option to be a stay at home mom (with no naivety about what that really entails).  And yet, I gleaned much wisdom from someone I look up to a great deal on this trip.  My aunt has three kids, one just starting college, one just finishing high school, and one just finishing middle school.  So she's been there with having the little kids at home and she's at the kids growing up stage.  Conversation after conversation we had I felt like God was reassuring me that I am right where I'm supposed to be.  Not just with kids, but with how we're working hard to get out of debt asap, how we're working hard to keep our marriage our top priority, how we're working hard to manage our time and resources, and how we're working hard to stay focused on Him.  Juggling all these balls is by no means easy but we know that all things work together for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose!

Part of our talks about kids helped me refocus on the fact that right now, where we are, we have it pretty good with our jobs and child care and life.  And we have been given this opportunity to get out of debt quickly.  And while I wish I could be the one teaching my son every last thing, the experience and the knowledge he's getting right now where he is is awesome!  Anyone can teach a kid how to count and read.  But it's extremely more important that I am available to be home with my kids when they are learning how to make tough choices.  I don't want anyone else teaching them that.  And yes, it does start young, but it's when they get to that middle/high school age that the tougher choices will come.  If we stay on task now, we will be in a position for me to be home for that.  And my flying to Japan or wherever a few times a year is well worth the opportunity to disciple my kids, the most important disciples I will ever make in my life.

Don't worry James, this isn't all about Jack.  We are excited to be in a position to get to have you home soon...hopefully in about 10 months from now!  And you and Jack are our two most valuable treasures we've ever been gifted with.

I look at all the lonely people

When I was single, I went through major bouts of loneliness.  I had great friends around me and despite a variety of different jobs and situations, churches, community, and all the "things" I could ever want to buy, I was lonely.  My heart would long for "the one" thinking that if I just met the right guy I wouldn't be lonely anymore.  Being single, especially in your thirties, is a very difficult place to be.  If you know anyone in that stage of life, please be very kind to them and surround them with every ounce of support you can imagine.  (This does NOT mean ask them if they've met someone every time you see them).

And then, I did meet "the one."  And it is great!  All those times I thought "I wish I had someone to eat dinner with" or "I wish I had someone to run errands with" was now a non-issue.  And of course, I thought my loneliness would go away.  I was wrong.  Now before you read into this, please understand that my husband is awesome and we have a great relationship.  This is not a marriage issue.  But what I'm finding is that there are MANY women like me who think that marriage will solve their loneliness issues and some get married solely for this reason.  If you think that is the case, you are sorely mistaken.  In fact, if this is why you're getting married, then it may be time to reevaluate.

Marriage does not solve loneliness.  And let me dispel another myth.  Kids do NOT solve loneliness...if anything, they make it worse.  Again, I love my son and am excited for our next child to join our family.  I wouldn't give up my family for anything.  But these issues are not related unless you use one to try and fix the other.  When you have kids, you become even more isolated.  You have way less time to spend with your friends and some people you thought were your friends seem to disappear or just distance themselves because they're not willing to do the work to make the friendship adapt to your new situations.  Your kids take priority in your life which means your friendships take a far backseat to your family which means your friendships tend to suffer.

I have a dear friend whom I adore that I spoke to about this today.  She and her husband have an adult child that doesn't live at home.  She told me she and her husband sit at home most weekends because many people believe they are busy so they don't ask them to do anything.  And then, when they see that other people did stuff their feelings are hurt and don't understand why they weren't invited.  MAN I can relate to this!!  Can you?

Why am I talking about this?  Because when we're lonely, we feel alone, isolated.  And yet, I believe that there are MANY people out there (especially women) who are dealing with this loneliness.  We feel like if we tell anyone about it then we sound weak, needy, and undesirable as a friend.  But if we all feel this way from time to time (or much of the time) then we NEED to talk about it!

I am a working mother that travels a lot, especially in the fall.  This pushes me further and further away from people and results in me feeling isolated.  Then I see all the things I perceive people doing together (and not inviting me) and I think they don't want me around.  This isolates me even further.  Then I don't ask people to hang out because I perceive they "don't like me" or "don't want to hang out with me."  Which makes me even more isolated.  As you can see, this cycle only continues in a downward spiral.

For some this spiral leads to depression.  This was me at one time.  Thankfully I have learned to combat that and know where/when to raise the red flag.  But I have a great deal of compassion for those that aren't able to beat that on their own and hope, if this is you, you will seek help.  For some this spiral leads to negative behaviors whether it be seeking bad relationships or leaning on other methods of numbing your feelings.

Regardless of your position in life, loneliness is something we all deal with.  And it is nothing that any one individual can "fix" for you.  But maybe if more of us talked about how lonely we feel, we wouldn't feel so alone!

Psalm 68:6 "God sets the lonely in families..."  Praying my little James isn't lonely tonight.

this journey

There are times when my life seems so appealing to people given the places I travel to for work.  I do not deny that I have had amazing opportunities to see the world between my years in the navy and my current job.  I have seen all of the Med, much of Europe, Asia, the Middle East...so many places!!  But here's the thing, travel gets old.  Travel appeals to so many people because of the different people and places in our world.  And yet fundamentally, people and places are the same.  We all are moving through our own journeys in our day to day lives and these bits of travel are exceptions to the rule.  So many times people just wish they were somewhere else, doing something else, "seeing the world."  I can't tell you how many people tell me their jealous of my travels.

While I appreciate the opportunity, there are many days where I am just as longing for something else...being home with my family.  Just like everyone else, I miss the day to day longing for something else.  It's true, sometimes my day to day takes me to Japan or Italy.  Today  my day to day takes me to Nebraska.  Just for a day.  Just for a meeting.  And yet this one trip will tack on more skymiles that add to our adoption miles that will pay for our plane tickets to Uganda.  How awesome is that?  So maybe today, instead of loathing in the fact that I won't see my son tomorrow, I will appreciate the fact that we will be that much closer to our mileage goal and thus one step closer to being in the presence of our next little boy.

I have not blogged lately because of many reasons, travel being one of them.  I had the blessing of being with my family last week in Illinois - for work, and with Jack.  I am thankful.  My husband had the blessing of having a week to himself...no work, no responsibility, just him.  I think he needed it.  

This week Justin started his new job teaching 8th grade reading.  Jack started daycare for the first time in his life (this should be an entirely different post but I'm not ready to talk about it).  I am heading to Nebraska for the night and, if the hurricane allows, back for the remainder of the week.  Then we get to go visit some amazing friends in Winston-Salem for the weekend.  We have SO MANY things to be thankful for.  And I have to remember that travel is a function of that.  Thankful for this journey.